“Can you believe that mum has left us on our own for two weeks?” Asked 16 year old Josh.
Ben, Josh’s 17 year old brother laughed and said, “No I can’t. And I can’t believe that she’s gone to Italy with a man she’s only known for three weeks.”
Josh also laughed and said, “That’s the crazy kind of shit you do when your in love. She’s like a teenager again. When dad left us three years ago, she was so depressed I thought she was going to kill herself. Now she’s met this bloke on the internet, its like she’s come alive again.”
Ben smiled, “I’m just glad she’s happy again.”
“So am I,” Josh replied.
Ben opened the fridge and swigged some milk from the bottle, whilst Josh walked around the large kitchen of their spacious suburban house. Josh suddenly stopped in front of his mums spice and herb rack. He pulled out a bottle of Basil herbs and laughed, “This shit looks like weed.”
“show me,” Said Ben.
Josh handed him the small bottle and Ben opened the lid and sprinkled some into his hand and said, “Yeah man, it does don’t it. Maybe we could put some in stamp bags and sell them as ten pound draws.”
Josh laughs, “You think people would fall for it and think its real weed?”
Ben replied, “I don’t know. Maybe we could sell it in school.”
“I don’t know,” Said Josh, “I don’t think we could really pass it off as real weed.”
They both pause for a while, then Ben said, “ I think we could. And besides…Most of the kids in our school ain’t got much experience of real drugs. But they like to think they have. They are just like us. Middle class neeks, who listen to Snoop Dog and Dre, and want to fantasize that we’re cool ghetto gangsters.”
Josh laughed and said, “You should be a psychologist.”
“yeah,” Replied Ben, “Maybe I will be one day…But right now I feel its time for us to be drug dealers. Well not real ones, but only me and you know that.”
“Josh laughed, “I’m with you brother. Maybe we can make some money.”
Josh and Ben approach a group of 15 year old students outside the school dinning hall.
“Yo dudes,” said Ben to them, “Any of you smoke weed?”
“I’ve smoked weed before, at a couple of parties,” Answered Malcolm, a short fat boy with spots on his face.
“What about the rest of you?” Asked Ben.
“I’ve smoked it once at my cousins house in Battersea,” Said Carlos, a tall Italian.
“What about you?” Ben asked looking at Peter, a skinny, gelled hair teen.
Peter flushed red and sheepishly admitted, “I’ve never tried it.”
“Well listen to this dudes,” Said Ben, “Me and my brother here are selling some standard weed. My cousin just brought it back from Jamaica. He smuggled a kilo of it through customs, and his given me and Josh some to sell.”
The group looked stunned, and spotty face Malcolm was clearly impressed and said, “Cool man. That’s sick.”
“Yeah,” Agreed Ben, “This is the best weed in Jamaica.”
“How much is it?” Asked Carlos the Italian, excited.
“We’re selling it in ten pound bags,” Said Josh, speaking for the first time, then he added, “Any of you got a tenner on you?”
“I’ve got a fiver,” Says spotty face Malcolm.
“And I’ve got a fiver,” Said Italian Carlos.
Malcolm and Carlos agree to put in a fiver each and share the ten pound bag, and Peter with the gelled hair said, “I’ll bring a tenner to school tomorrow and buy a bag of your weed.”
“Great,” Said Ben smiling, and he added, “And spread the word guys. This is probably the best shit you’ll ever smoke.”
And spread the word they did. Within three days half the school was talking about the weed that Ben and Josh were selling, and students between the age of 13 to 16 and 17 year old sixth formers, were approaching Ben and Josh, phoning and texting them, and even knocking on their front door to buy their weed.
Ben and Josh had gone to the supermarket and had bought ten small bottles of Basil at a pound each, and each bottle had made five, ten pound bags.
Ben and Josh thought it was absolutely hilarious. Teenagers were coming up to them and saying things like, “That weed is sick man. I was buzzing out of my head on it.”
Some of the teenagers actually felt like they were getting stoned on it because they thought it was real cannabis. And other teenagers who didn’t feel stoned at all, pretended that they did feel stoned, because they wanted to look cool, and not feel stupid or feel like the odd one out.
Everything was going smoothly for Ben and Josh, until Psycho Sam entered the equation.
Ben and Josh were playing on they’re play station when there was a knock at the door. Ben went to answer it and standing on his door step was a man in his late twenties. The man was tall and skinny, covered in tattoos, including a swastika tattoo on his forehead. He also had piercings on his eyebrows, nose, tongue and lip.
“Are you Ben?” The man asked.
“Yeah,” Ben replied tense.
“Do you know who I am?” The man asked.
Ben swallowed nervously, “Yeah…You’re Psycho Sam.”
Sam smiled, revealing a gap of several missing teeth. He’d had some teeth knocked out during some of the many fights he’d had. Everyone in the area knew or had heard of Psycho Sam. A couple of years ago he’d got a two year prison sentence for biting a pub bouncers ear off, during a drunken brawl. And Sam’s vicious looking face, complete with psychopathic stare, had been plastered on the front page of the local paper.
Sam had served the full two years of his sentence, as he’d lost all his good behaviour remission as he’d had so many fights with other inmates and prison officers.
“I hear yer sellin’ some shit hot weed,” Sam said.
“How do you know?” Ben asked nervously.
“I know everything,” Replied Sam, tapping his finger into his temple, then he added, “I’ve decided that I wanna to be yer business partner.”
“Eh?” Ben replied shocked.
“People ‘ave told me the weed yer been selling is pukka.”
Ben felt like his head was going to explode with panic. Finally he said, “Its not that good.” He was trying to put Sam off.
Sam looked irritated, “Thass not what I’ve ‘eard. People have told me that yer weed is wicked an’ people ‘ave been gettin’ wrecked on it.”
Ben just stared at Sam, lost for words. After a pause Sam continued. “I ‘ear yer sellin’ it in ten pound bags…So ‘ears the deal. I’ll buy it in bulk from you. I wanna smoke some an’ sell some. I will give you two ‘undred quid fer thirty ten pound bags, an’ that way we both make a bit of profit.”
Ben just stared at Sam a moment in panic, then Ben said in a nervous voice, “Ok.”
When Psycho Sam had left with thirty bags of Basil, Ben and Josh looked at each other in horror.
“Oh my God,” Said Ben, “If he finds out we’ve sold him cooking herbs, he’ll kill us.”
Psycho Sam was walking along the street with the thirty bags of Basil in a bum bag around his waist, when a car with three plain clothes officers in it drove past.
“There’s Psycho Sam,” Said the driver.
“I thought he was in prison”, Said the officer in the back.
“He got out two weeks ago,” Said the driver, then after a pause he added, “Lets stop and search him.”
When Psycho Sam had left their house with the thirty bags of Basil, Ben and Josh could no longer relax, and neither of them got a good sleep that night.
The next afternoon Josh was listening to the local community radio when he heard that Psycho Sam, real name Sam Vice, had been remanded in custody for possession of cannabis with intent to supply. Josh immediately told Ben.
“Shit,” Said Ben, “This is turning into a bloody nightmare. We’ve got to stop dealing now. This ain’t funny anymore.”
“Its too late for that,” Said Josh, “Psycho Sam’s in jail because of us. What are we going to do?”
Ben held his face in his hands for a moment, then said, “We’re in deep shit man.”
Five days after Psycho Sam had been remanded in custody, he was back at his local magistrates court to hear the case. Sam was beneath the court in one of the cells when his solicitor came to talk to Sam through the hatch in the cell door.
“Great news Sam,” His solicitor said beaming.
“What you talkin’ about?” Sam said confused.
“I’ve just had a word with the prosecutor,” His solicitor said still smiling, “He’s going to tell the judge they’ve dropped the case.”
“Eh,” Sam said, still confused.
“You’ve got away with it,” The solicitor said smiling.
“The forensic team have analysed the herbs that you were stopped with, and its not cannabis.”
“What do you mean its not cannabis?” Sam asked looking serious, “What was it then?”
“It was Basil,” His solicitor continued, looking like he was going to laugh.
“It’s a cooking herb. You can get it in shops and any supermarket. Its not a drug at all…And its not an illegal substance.”
Sam looked confused again, and then it dawned on him, “Those little bastards ripped me off.”
“See it as a positive,” His solicitor replied, still looking like he was about to laugh, “If the people had sold you real cannabis, you’d be expecting a prison sentence. Because it wasn’t real cannabis though, the police can’t do anything about it. Its turned out to be a blessing in disguise for you.”
Sam still looked confused, then as understanding dawned on him, he suddenly gave his missing teeth smile, “So I will be released later?”
His solicitor beamed, “Yes.”
Ben and Josh were playing a driving game on they’re play station, when there was a knock at the door.
“I’ll get it,” Said Ben.
When Ben opened the front door he was shocked to see Psycho Sam. Sam immediately grabbed Ben around the throat, pushed him into the hallway, and put his fist a few inches from Bens face.
“Think you could rip me off did ya?” Asked Sam, with his eyes bulging.
Ben looked at Sam’s scarred knuckles and the word HATE tattooed across the top of his fingers.
“I’m sorry,” Ben said really frightened.
Sam suddenly smiled and let go of Ben, and Ben looked confused.
“That was a wicked skank man,” Said Sam, still smiling, “Selling Basil as cannabis. If you’d have sold me real weed I’d be in prison right now.”
Ben started to feel slightly relieved and Sam continued smiling, “Juss gimme my two-undred quid back an’ I wont break yer legs.”
Ben swallowed nervously and said, “Ok.”
When Psycho Sam had gone, Ben looked at Josh and said, “We’re so bloody lucky man. That nutter could have killed us.”
Josh slowly smiled and then suddenly started laughing.
“Its not funny,” Said Ben.
“It is,” Josh said between moments of laughing.
A moment later Ben also smiled and then said, “Your right…It is funny. I thought he was going to kill me.”
Both brothers then roared with laughter.